Don't Say "Coochie" on the Radio

I'm re-running this oldie-but-goodie post, because it cracks me up. And because the more I work on my own book publicity, the more I realize how individual the task of book publicity really is. This author struggles with having a book topic which is almost too edgy for traditional media. But ultimately, would you guess that it's a true disadvantage? Or an opportunity to craft very juicy lede lines?


Sarah: When it comes to TV, print and radio, authors’ fears usually come in two flavors.  There’s vanilla: how on earth will I land the publicity, and also chocolate: if I get a shot at it, will I be suave or tongue tied?

Until I heard the following story, it had never occurred to me that the fear and uncertainty could run in both directions.  Dr. Lissa Rankin’s book What’s Up Down There: Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist if She Was Your Best Friend garnered terrific publicity.  While Dr. Rankin met her PR opportunities fearlessly, the same cannot be said for her publicizers!      

 Dr. Lissa: Just before blasting off on my 20 city book tour for What’s Up Down There, I got a call from a guy at CBSNews.com. They had posted a piece called 15 Crazy Things About Sperm and it has been a slam dunk, runaway hit on the website. He wanted me to write a similar post about vaginas. He loved my style, thought I was funny, and they were trying to spice up their health news, so he thought I’d be perfect (*Lissa blushes*). I was running around like a crazy person trying to get ready for my tour, but how could I turn down the opportunity to write 15 crazy things about the vagina? Vagina vagina vagina!

So I dropped everything and wrote a badass piece -- 15 Curious Things You May Not Know About the Vagina. The guy at CBSNews.com loved it and promised to post it on the day my book launched. Which he did. But when I went to look for it, it wasn’t there? What happened?

Too saucy?!

Well, the next day, the guy called me, tail between his legs, to say how embarrassed he was to have to tell me that the post was up for only an hour before the suits in corporate made him take it down. It was “too saucy.” He felt awful. He couldn’t stop apologizing. I was tempted to go off on the guy and start ranting but he was SO nice and clearly, it hadn’t been his decision. He loves vaginas. He felt bad, so I let him off the hook. No worries. We’re scheduled to have coffee when I’m in New York.

But the more I thought about it, the more it bugged me. Why DID they make him take down my post? The sperm post was pretty saucy too. Why do sperm get to stay up, while vaginas—once again—are relegated to the closet? What does this say about our society?

Don't say "coochie"

Then, I was on a famous national radio show that shall go unnamed. They invited me to be a guest on this radio show but when they received a copy of my book, the producer called and said, “We’re having second thoughts. We’ve read the book—and we love it—but we’re a bit concerned about the language.” Okay, so I have a potty mouth. I figured they wanted to make sure I didn’t say any four letter F bombs on national radio, and of course, I know how to behave. But no—it wasn’t the cuss words they were worried about. It was words like “coochie” or “va jay jay.” I giggled because I wanted to name my book "Coochie Confidential" but my publisher wouldn’t let me. They told me “Down There” was suggestive enough.

So I agreed to keep quiet in exchange for massive exposure on a famous radio program. But midway through the program, the host picks up my book and says “You’re gonna love this. Listen to the chapter title—'How Coochies Smell and Taste.'” And she got bleeped. And then she said, “Hey, am I allowed to say the word coochie on the radio?” And she got bleeped again. The producer was behind the glass screen, shaking her head like we were two naughty children.

Another producer of a national television show invited me to appear on her show to talk about What's Up Down There?—the plan was for the hosts of the show to ask me the questions they’d be too embarrassed to ask their gyno. But the producer warned me we’d have to be careful. “You can talk about vaginas,” she said, “but you’re gonna have to call it a ‘passion flower.’” Say what? A PASSION FLOWER? Are you kidding me? But in keeping with my mission, I smiled demurely and agreed to her terms.

But the idea got nixed by the hosts. Apparently, they were too embarrassed to ask their questions on national TV, so we offered to tone it down for them. But they said no. Too racy. Too personal. Too much vagina talk. So the show got canned.

What Gives?

If vaginas are too inappropriate for network television, national radio, and CBSNews.com, why can we talk about erectile dysfunction and sperm? The double standard pisses me off! What is wrong with these people? Personally, I have no problem with talking about sperm and Viagra, but if I have to get caught explaining an erectile dysfunction commercial to my four year old, shouldn’t we be allowed to talk about vaginas?

That’s why I wrote What’s Up Down There? -- to get people talking and demystify this divine part of our bodies. How can we love ourselves if we don’t love ALL of ourselves? So say it with me. Vagina. Vagina. Vagina. (See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?)

Trying to live up to the name my friends have given me—"VaJesus",

Dr. Lissa

PS. Want to read 15 Crazy Things About Vaginas? Read it here.

Lissa Rankin, MD: Founder of OwningPink.com, Pink Medicine Woman coach, motivational speaker, and author of What’s Up Down There? Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend andEncaustic Art: The Complete Guide To Creating Fine Art With Wax. Sign up for Lissa's FREE Get Out Of Your Own Way mini eCourse by clicking here!

More Perspective on Goodreads

My last post about Goodreads seems to have struck a nerve. The consensus was that it's very difficult to read offhand snippets of "meh" about your own work. My advice was: don't read them. And for perspective, look at a few vaunted works on Goodreads to gain a brighter perspective.


I did a little more research when I should have been working on my WIP, and it was much more fun than I expected. You can very effectively inoculate yourself against rejection by snooping around Goodreads long enough to understand what a colorful carnival of humanity it really is.


From this day forward, I have a new opinion about the occasional one star review. I celebrate it, because it's evidence that somebody read the work! Consider these statistics from Goodreads. As of this moment:

• The Help by Kathryn Stockett has received 1,569 one star reviews
• The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson has received 7,962 one star reviews
• Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese received 743 one star reviews
• Room by Emma Donoghue received 1,721 one star reviews

And how about those reviews which make some of us want to take strong drink and hide out under the bed? Consider these gems I pulled from Goodreads today:


The Tempest by William Shakespeare
"When I read this/watched the movie, I felt like Shakespeare wrote this when he was a crazy old man who didn't care anymore. I imagine he was like, "I'm done bitches," and then threw the script across the room." 


"The romance wasn't really developed, Prospero was super bitter and then out of no where forgives everyone...etc."


The Old Man and the Sea by Earnest Hemingway
"It bored the living crap out of me."


The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon

"For the first 50 pages or so, I thought it was gonna be a good one. but then it just started to suck. I shouldn't even have finished it, but I did. can't believe it won a pulizter or whatever." 

House of Mirth by Edith Wharton
"Alright, so she loves someone else, blah blah. It’s frustrating and it’s not as if this has never been written about before or since, by far superior writers."


So the beauty of Goodreads is that anyone can say anything about any book. And they do. And the more I read of Goodreads reviews, the more amazed I become that people with no interest in grammar or punctuation take the trouble to do so. Dear Goodreads: I get it now. You are, on balance, a positive force in the universe.


But I'm still not going to read my own reviews. 

An Author's Guide to Surviving Goodreads

A few years ago, authors and publicists alike were singing the praises of Goodreads as a tool to bring authors and readers together. And it does... sometimes. It is quite easy to import your blog to Goodreads, such that every new post on your blog populates automatically onto your author page at Goodreads.

Also, Goodreads members can "friend" authors or become "fans." An author's fans will be notified of new blog post updates. And, if you're really special, your publisher might buy you a splashy Goodreads ad during your book's launch week, or organize a live author chat via Goodreads.

However...

Reader reviews on Goodreads can be stressful for you, the author. Reviews are always stressful, but in this case other readers can comment on reader reviews, which means that you may open Goodreads one day to find a long and intricate multiparty discussion of your failings appended to your book's listing.

Sometimes, authors leap into the fray, adding their own comments to these discussions. Lately I've seen several blog headlines mentioning Goodreads dust-ups between authors and reviewers. It seems that a few YA authors used the "comment" space on GoodReads to argue with poor reviews they'd received there. And those comments did not go unnoticed by the reviewer, as the discussion spun out of control.

I discovered quite by accident that Goodreads has even built a little tap on the author's shoulder into its system. I clicked on "comment" under a reader review on my own book. The reader's "review" in this case was to post a very funny (and positive) comment that a blogger had written about my book. I hadn't seen this quote before, and so the comment I'd meant to add was "thanks for posting this!"

But Goodreads had a cow. The screen went yellow, and some warning text appeared. I wish I'd thought to save the language so that I could repeat it here. So I'm paraphrasing. It said that Goodreads wished to strongly caution me against commenting on reviews of my own work. There might have been mention of garlic and silver spikes, or DANGER in a big red font. Or maybe not. But that was the message.

Fear not, Goodreads. I already understand that 99.99% of the time, authors have nothing to gain from responding to a review. I suppose I'm reserving that 0.01% option for instances when there is blatant misinformation, or the review also wrongs or slanders someone other than the author. But... usually not even then.

If you do not have leather-thick skin, think twice about reading your Goodreads reviews. You might get a two star rating, as I did recently, attached to a review which basically admitted that the reader enjoyed the book. So why not four stars? You might ask your computer screen. Or at least three? You might waste a few hours of your life feeling grumpy about this.

I have two solutions, take your pick.

#1: Find a novel you admire, one which also sells a lot of copies, and read the Goodreads reviews. See? There are some stinkers in there. When I did this little exercise, I noted with amusement that one reviewer disliked the book in question because the romantic elements "quickly fizzled," and another because she disapproved of the pre-marital sex in it. In other words, the novel had too much sex for one reviewer and not enough for the other. If this excellent author can weather the storm, then so can I.

#2: Find a Goodreads buddy, and monitor each other's review action--you read her reviews, she reads yours. And share with each other only the useful stuff. Not only will this keep you from unnecessary and unproductive heartbreak, but it's a bonding experience.

Or--delete your account.

Author Jody Hedlund's Groovy Cover Contest

It's always a struggle for authors to engage their readers in a true discussion. In between books, what do readers and authors really have to say to each other anyway? Michigan author Jody Hedlund has always done a great job encouraging reader participation on her blog. But this latest development really blew my doors off. Hedlund's publisher, Bethany House, actually let her readers vote on a winning cover for the next book, from three choices.

I know that some of you are beating your heads against the monitor right now, saying: if only I could have a choice between three covers!

I feel your pain.

But isn't this cool?  Her readers chose the top one from the three on her blog. Hedlund received more than 100 votes.

8 Things That Surprised Me About the Launch Publicity Process

Dear Blurbers,
I've devoted months now to the study of book publicity, its highs and lows. The entire purpose of this endeavor was to demystify the process, to let it become less frightening. And mostly that's worked. But I'm happy to report that there are still a few things about the launch process that came as a complete shock. They are:

1. I'm so tired of me. My book is getting amazing blog coverage, with Q&As, interviews, reviews, giveaways and recipes! Yet every one of those requires me to write a Q&A, guest post, recipe, or at least a witty aside. By now I've written about what my family eats for dinner, why I try to limit sugar, which luxury item I'd most like to have with me on a nuclear submarine, how I felt the day I was dumped by my first fiction agent and why there's so much friction between working moms and stay-at-home moms. It's hard to make a cup of coffee without trying to think of how it might possibly be configured into a guest post. I'm so flattered by the opportunity, yet so tired of talking about myself.
2. After Julia's Child received good trade reviews, freelance publicists solicited me. And that even an audio book narrator dropped me a line, hoping I'd keep her in mind if the book went to audio. 
3. Even with glowing trade reviews and a history of living there, I got shut out of doing a bookstore event in New York City. Bookstores all over New England said "yes please!" But New York said "fuggetaboutit." A publicist gently explained to me just how few bookstores are really left in New York. "They only want celebrities. And I don't mean celebrity authors. Actual celebrities." 
4. The number of people who show up at your bookstore events shall be inversely related to the number of hours you drove to get there.
5. Every email I've written this month seems to consist of me either A) asking someone to do something on my behalf or B) thanking someone for doing something on my behalf. Next month I plan to not ask anyone for anything, even a cut of meat at the butcher's counter.
6. I didn't know how easy it would be to make progress on another novel. I thought this month would be disastrous for adding words to a new WIP, but it's not. Working on a new story has been such an escape from the daily grind of pushing Julia's Child out into the world. All I want to do is hole up with the new book, with its fresh themes and issues.
7. I'm afraid not to follow you. So many of my new twitter followers @Julias__Child are lovely book bloggers who are currently reviewing me, that it's hard to keep track. So I'm following everybody who does not reference sexual favors in his/her twitter bio. I nearly followed--and I'm not even kidding--a twitter account devoted to the promotion of grapeseed oil. 
8. I feel like a spammer. I never wanted to be one of those people whose twitter feed and facebook stream were filled with reviews and giveaways of her own book. Here's the problem: book publicity is an exchange of services. Up and coming book bloggers need authors to help them spread the word. So it feels rude not to RT reviews / giveaways / Q&As that these sites produce. Seriously, what's the solution here?